Short storey.

Hello everyone I'm sure some of you will know me from the Facebook page as denny lawlor, over the last couple of weeks I've been writing a medieval fantasy short story I'm finished part one and am looking for some feed back, positive criticism is preferred if your just going to be mean don't bother. Anyway here it goes.



I wish I had listened. I knew as soon as Samson had mentioned the words 'Mount Grimrock', I knew we were in for quite the adventure.
If we had been sober we would have realised how dangerous it would be, but unfortunately we were full of mead warmed by the fire of the inn and full of courage.

There was me, Samson, Jack and Logan. we put all our money together and found we had four hundred septims to spend on weapons and supplies. We got one hundred septims each and I spent mine on a new long-sword, a full quiver of arrows and enough food to last a week.
When I rose at 7am the next day there were dark clouds in the sky and a light rain was falling. Sleepy faces were peering out through the windows as I walked down the road. I met the others in the centre of town just as the merchants were setting up their stalls for the day. "Well, don't you look right fancy with your new sword" exclaimed Jack when he saw me. A few minutes later Samson arrived " That dagger won't be much good where we're going", Samson told Jack
"You'd be surprised what I can do with a good dagger", was Jacks cocky reply. Logan was the last to arrive. He was covered head to foot in steal plate armour, had the biggest sword I had ever seen and had two throwing axes on his belt. "I've heard of over preparing but by the looks of you we might be going to hell itself", Samson said through fits of laughter. "You can never over prepare", came Logan's solemn reply. He was a man of very few words and when he speak he seemed always to be slightly annoyed.

"Enough talk, lets get moving, I don't want the guards seeing us walking around like this". As he said this, he began walking swiftly towards the towns main gate and we had to jog to keep up with him. With the last of our money, we hired four horses and a pony to carry our food and camping supplies.
We travelled until the sun was at the highest point in the sky, then we stopped for lunch. "How much longer will be travelling ?" Asked Jack. " Another day through the forest of Mirkwood. It's a dangerous place but it's the fastest way to Mount Grimrock because it is surrounded by two mountain ranges".
We travelled on and the day was uneventful apart from one quite funny incidence. The sun was lowering towards the horizon, Samson was lagging behind and we were wadding through a shallow stream, when we heard a loud splash. Samson called out, "oh God, help me!". We turned and saw to our amusement that he had tripped over a stone and was completely drenched and had a lily pad sitting on his head.

The next morning we caught some fish and cooked them for breakfast. We were saving the preserved food for when we could find none. As we reached the top of a small hill, we saw stretching out for miles in all directions, was Mirkwood Forest. "And so we march into the lions den". Whispered Logan. "Now what on earth is that supposed to mean". Cried Jack, dispelling the dark atmosphere. "That means we are heading into one of the most dangerous places below the wall", said Jack.

That day was much more eventful than the first. There were dire wolves, like normal wolves but twice the size, giant Arachnida, goblins and a whole host of other nasty creatures. Fortunately for us, many of them stayed away, but our blades were slick with blood when we reached the two giant doors that was the entrance to Mount Grimrock." Will we sleep inside the doors, we will be much safer in there", said Logan. So we slept dreaming of the treasures that we would find and the monsters that we would have to face.

"Come on, rise and shine my sleepy friend" I opened my eyes and saw Jack looking down at me with a proud smirk on his face and with a crown on his head. " Nice hat there Jack." " Thanks, while you were asleep I went a short way into the ruins and found it in a chest." Replied Jack. We explored the underground ruins all that day and came across all manner of traps and defences, Samson was the engineer of the group so he disarmed most of them but there were a few close calls. That evening we came into a huge chamber with large metal statues along the walls, some of them were over six meters high. " they may look like old rusting statues but hundreds of years ago they were the army and defenders of the Dwemmer people." Explained Logan.

"What happened to them all?" I asked "No one knows , it was as if they were there one day and then they suddenly disappeared." As I drifted off to sleep I saw Samson stand to take the first watch. I was woken a short while later by a loud, deep groaning noise. Samson drew his War hammer, Jack notched an arrow in his bow, Logan pulled out his two throwing axes and I drew out my long sword ready to fight but there was nothing to see. "Oh God! " Shouted Jack. "it's one of the statues! " and indeed it was. The six metre height Behemoth slowly stepped down from its plinth and drew out a sword as long as I am tall.

Whatever you do don't stop moving! " Shouted Logan, so we moved, we weaved in and out of the giants legs and away from the sword. Our luck could not have lasted forever just as I moved in to stab at the giants leg. I saw out of the corner of my eye, almost as if in slow motion the giants sword swung down and cleve Samson in two, right down the middle, at least it was a quick death. Logan seemed to run up the creatures leg and buried buried one of his axes in the giants' head. He leaped clear and the giant crashed to the ground. "We have to go". We marched through a set of doors and came upon a goblin camp and we murdered them as they slept. We turned to leave but heard A low rasping voice behind us. "You will die, you will die, your nations will burn and creatures that have not been seen for a thousand years will roam the land". It was goblin Warlock. Jack launched an arrow and the goblin would have been killed instantly, if the arrow had not stopped in mid air turned and buried itself in Jacks heart. The last thing the warlock saw was Logan's axe spinning towards its head and the creature crumpled to the ground.

Far off in the distance, we heard the steady beat of a thousand drums. "Run, run", Logan shouted. We ran through a pair of steel doors and bolted them shut. "You must go on, find a way out". Said Logan. "I will not leave you here", I cried. "You must or we will both die. I will hold them as long as I can. Now run you fool. Goodbye, dear friend". So I ran and here I sit, listening to the drums getting ever louder. With all the gold and jewels any man could wish for but with nowhere to go.

Very nice Denny!

If I get enough positive feed back I'd be happy to put up part two, its substantially longer than part 1 but I can easily split it up into a couple of pieces.

That was good. I actually liked the story. There is some parts that have errors or just don't need to be there. but overall a good story. i like the world. i bet you could take that story add more details to it and get several chapters out of it just by talking about things like the battles. maybe some inner monologue from the main character about how he felt about the death of his friends. things like that. but overall not a bad start. I ENJOYED IT

Great story man. bring on the rest if you got more

For any of you who are interested part 2 will be out in a day or 2, I have a couple if changes to make first.

Very nice, I'm looking forward to part 2

Part 2 coming this evening.